Dating Tips For Guys

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On with the story
By the next time we met I had begun to give up all hope of a chance encounter so it was safe to say that I was a little thrown when i literally tripped over him in a bar. I’d stumbled and emptied the contents of my drink down some poor blokes coat, with a quick glance to see if the guy had noticed (nope) my attentions turned back toward Dan.

“Oh hi, erm….” said Dan.
“Jess” I replied. Forgotton my name? Oh dear, I must have been right off the money. I waggled my empty glass in an expectant motion which he just didn’t pick up on, yet the eye contact and the banter was still there. What was I missing? I ended up going to the bar myself and even offered him a drink in the process.

We stood and chatted for a good 30 minutes then he made his excuses and left for the next bar. Still no offer or request of number exchange. This man had me baffled.

I caught up to him again at the end of the night outside the nightclub. By this time I didn’t want another few months to go by to wait for another chance encounter so I grabbed my eye liner out of my bag, strode up to him, grabbed his arm, scribbled my number on the inside of his arm, added a “call me” and casualy stode off feeling rather proud of myself.

By the rules of dating isn’t 3 days the correct time to wait before you call a woman? Well why the blooming heck has it been 2 weeks? This guy is definately not interested, he’s definately not going to call. Finally 2 weeks and 1 day since our chance encounter he called and we arranged to meet up for a date. The date went well until nearing the end of the night he had a call from on of his friends about a party. He walked me home and left without so much as a goodnight kiss. My God! How rude! Yet, when he called the next week and asked me out for a second date I ended up agreeing.

We finally got it together, but his behaviour didn’t improve, it just got worse. He would say he was coming round to see me one day and three days later he would turn up. It ended up in a row and I kicked him to the kerb. Next day feeling a bit blue and regretful of the arguement I tried calling him, he ignored my call. Right, sod him, by this time I was getting bored of all the waiting around. I wasn’t about to waste another second of my life doing it.

That night I got my party frock on and headed out with the girls for a night on the town. Followed the next day by a brunch in the park with the girlies. Two weeks down the line I had washed that man right out of my hair so when the phone calls started I was having none of it, I did what he had done to me. Ignored the calls.

It all came to a bitter head one night. Middle of the night I wake up to find a large figure at the end of my bed. To say I was papping my panties was an understatement until I saw it was Dan, in a slight state of drunkedness and weeping like a baby. He proffessed his undying love for me, told me that he was trying to keep me interested by playing it so cool. Apparantly he’d had his eye on me from the very start. Noticed me out one night with G before we were ever introduced and had asked to tag along when G had told him she was coming round to mine. He’d found out from his friend when and where G and I would be on the “chance encounter” so he could be there too. After our row, apparantly he had been dying to answer my call but had wanted to make me sweat it a bit. It’s amazing how honest you guys get with a bit of heartbreak and alcohol. Now he loves me? Tough titty. Too late! He’d played the game with such dedication that it had only served to alienate him to me.

Moral of the story, yes “treat them mean keep them keen” theory does work… TO A POINT! Don’t over do it. Once you have us captivated we can just as easily become bored of the very thing that captivated us in the first place. Know when to draw a line!

Jess xx

Ok, so by now you are probably accutely aware of how much of a bitch I can be! I mean, reducing a man to tears to get a reaction isn’t the behaviour of a saint. But i’m not all bad I promise.

We’ve looked into what happens when the “perfect” gentleman comes onto the scene and now we’re going to delve into the dark side of the male species, the self-proclaimed “treat them mean keep them keen” expert.

Case Study no 2: Daniel

Dressed to kill in pyjama bottoms and a vest top (which sported a very suspicious looking yoghurt stain on my right breast) I answered the door to my very best friend, G! Being used to her unannounced arrivals I didn’t flicker, until I noticed him. Suddenly stood behind her was an adonis of a man. Tall and broad with a kind of tan that only comes from being mixed race. My right hand instantly shot up to cover the stain on my breast leaving my left arm doing some sort of sweeping motion to beckon them inside, all the while nothing had yet escaped my mouth in the form of a hello! By the mild flicker of amusment on his face he must have known he had me beat right there and then!

I ushered them into the lounge and darted upstairs to throw on a pair of jeans, a clean vest top, a dash of mascara and sauntered back downstairs having regained my composure. G introduced Daniel as a friend of her lastest beau, who having been out with them had left to start his night shift. So having established the fact that he wasn’t romantically involved with G I relaxed into flirt overdrive. The banter was flowing as fast as the wine and from the looks he was giving me I knew he was interested. I was back in control.

The end of the night came and I walked them both to the door with a “It was really lovely to meet you, I would love to see you again” promptly followed by a “I might see you around” and a swift exit. What? What the hell was that? I might chuffing see you around??? Eh? The signs were there, they were! Definately, I think.

Read the rest in my next post,

Jess x

Hopefully, you have read about my wife’s lively if not slightly disturbing thoughts on the ‘treat them mean to keep them keen’ theory, and after picking myself up off the floor (wasn’t easy reading about her past exploits - kind of like bert finding out erny used to be straight - uncomfortable some things you just don’t want to hear about), i started thinking about the dates and subsequent relationships i have had in the past.

I have to admit i have been guilty of being both sides of that particular fence, i know i have treated some ex girlfriends appallingly and some have been treated like princesses….. I have had strange experiences with both. What i did find, is the girls that i have been over the top nice too and tried too hard to please, have (without exception) treated me like shit, and the women who i have treated poorly just seem to become a bit (for want of a better word?!) pathetic, and i didn’t really like the person I was becoming with these women.

I didn’t really think about my actions before they just kind of happened, but looking at the difference as i am now since meeting my wife to how i was then. I suppose the thing that changed was i found a happy medium, not too harsh but not a pushover, sensitive at times but able to put my foot down and take control when it’s needed and that in my opinion is what women want or rather NEED! They want both sides of you, they want a man to be both sensitive and caring but also have strength in his convictions and not to be too cold and arrogant (like most experts seem to want you to believe).

Anyway - just 1 guys opinion into the psyche of a woman - onto reading about jess’s past exploits (argh!?!)

Having read through alot of these dating tips for men I started to get mildly annoyed by all the tips advocating the “treat them mean keep them keen” theory. As a woman I know I want someone who is kind, caring and shows me lots of attention. I do! Don’t I?

Well as I started to look over my past experiences I couldn’t be sure. Us women are such complicated creatures that we can barely figure ourselves out, and for any of those men that think you have us all wrapped up I am amazed - you’re either lying or pure genius!

So time to test the theory…

Jess x

Read about my first study(?!) on the next post

Case Study 1: Steven

I met Steven in a nightclub, he wasn’t the most attractive of men but he was funny and had lovely kind eyes. We spend most of the night chatting and he asked for my number as the night drew to a close promising to call me the very next day.

True to his word, he called me the next day and we arranged for him to pick me up that night to take me on a date. 7pm sharp there was a knock on the door. Me, being a woman, wasn’t ready and had to open the door make-up free (first date stuff of nightmares in any womans book). He stood there with a bunch of flowers and made an attempt at a peck on the cheek which I quickly averted. I showed him into the lounge and marched upstairs with a very strong sense of annoyance that he had caught me in that state. As I was the one that wasn’t ready in time it would have been fair to assume that it was myself I was annoyed at, but no, oh no, it was definately at Steven for arriving early (or rather perfectly on time).

Throughout our date the theme continued. We traveled 20 miles in his car to a nearby town (a picture perfect village type town with thatched cottages and a beautiful river flowing through). He’d booked a table in an exclusive restraunt, held the door open for me, bought me a rose, ordered champagne with the meal and generally was a true gent in every sense of the word. And to be honest I LOVED IT! He made me feel like a proper princess.

Continued on the next post……

Jess x

We quickly became a couple and his gentleman like ways never once waivered but as I look back my behaviour towards him descended from princess to Bitch as time wore on. Made worse when during an attempt to push him for any kind of negative reaction I made him cry. I felt unbelievebly bad, I had never wanted to upset him, but why oh why would he not just stick up for himself against me… was he a man or not?? So, it became a bit of a regular occurance, me pushing him to the point of tears, and why? Because he allowed me to do so!

I could never put my finger on what it was about him that made me so irritable. After all he was the perfect gent, funny, kind, caring and showed me lots of attention… everything a I wanted in a relationship! Wasn’t it? Well, I think I may have finally put my finger on it. With all that predictability where’s the mystery, the tension, the sense of adventure? Where, god damn it, where?

Moral of the story… us women probably don’t have much of a clue what we actually want and as for the “treat them mean keep them keen” theory I might just be starting to buy into it.

Possibly…

Jess x